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Domestic Violence, Abuse Targeted by South Asian Network
By Najla Zaidi | 30 May, 2025

South Asian Network breaks the silence on abuse in the South Asian community by discussing complex family dynamics, immigration fears, and generational differences.


Transcript:


Najla Zaidi (00:00.194)

This is Najla Zaidi and I'm here today with Riffat Rahman, Director of Programs and Zainab Qureshi, Program Manager, Gender-Based Violence at the South Asian Network. And I'm so excited to have you here today. So thank you so much for joining me. What I've invited you to do is to talk about South Asian Network and also talk about it in reference to abuse in the South Asian community.

Because I think a lot of people are not aware of that there is abuse going on in the South Asian community. And it's something that's kind of hidden under the rug. And it's something that that South Asian network is shining a light on. And I wanted to talk to you about that. So let's just start with cultural barriers and challenges. What unique cultural barriers do South Asian victims of domestic violence face when they're seeking help?

Yeah, that's a great question to start with. And I think that it really centers and grounds us in the work that the South Asian Network does is provide culturally and linguistically specific case management and support to survivors of gender-based violence. Language being a really big component of it. There's many folks who come to the United States who are immigrants or who've actually been here for long periods of time who don't know where to go to seek help.

because of the language barrier. We are equipped with offering about six different South Asian languages at our organization right now, with the intent really being to ensure that folks are able to communicate in the language that they're most comfortable with and also with people that they feel comfortable and safe with as well. Another component of cultural barriers is really understanding the nuances of the South Asian culture and how gender-based violence

comes into our culture and into our communities. There's a lot of components around multifamily households, in-laws involvement, and things around even male preference and how that can kind of play a role in folks who are seeking support and how they choose to seek that support. For many people, they suffer for many years before they make the decision to come out of it. And even that cannot be, is not really a one size fits all approach, I guess.

quite diverse in how folks reach out for support, how often they go back and how that dependency can kind of play out in their experience.

Najla Zaidi (02:24.526)

Well, you mentioned basically about family structures. And I think that's what a lot of people don't realize that in South Asian culture, know, the ways that the families are set up, it's like multi-family members are in one house. Let's talk about that, you know, about like family roles with, let's start about in-laws first, like the family roles with in-laws, because sometimes they can perpetuate abuse and in other times they can condone it. So where have you seen that happening? Yeah.

It really is something that comes up quite often where it's not just an intimate partner for a lot of our folks. It's not just an intimate partner that there's gender-based violence with. It's a full family structure where folks are living in multi-family households. People are living with their in-laws and that can create a lot of struggle for a couple or partners who are sort of getting pressure from both ends, from parents, from their in-laws in terms of how their marriage should look like, what decisions they should be making, and how one partner or the other should be performing and abiding by cultural norms.

Right. you see, sorry, do you, do you see that more with the women or with the men or is it about the same? Because I know I'm also Pakistani myself. So I know that it was sort of put upon most new brides that they are to take care of their in-laws. So do you like, I'm just curious.

Najla Zaidi (03:59.742)

know, women, I would think, more going to be subjected to the abuse, but have you seen that with men as well? Sons that are being pressured to take care of elderly parents and things like that? Yeah.

Yeah, we serve folks of all gender backgrounds and we do have a predominant female client base, but we do serve men as well.

And then like, you know, that just leads me into how the, like most of our communities in the AAPI community are patriarchal family structures where the fathers and the husbands are the head of the family. So how does that play into domestic violence?

Yeah, and it's like, feel like what we see in media, in South Asian media and Bollywood is pretty accurate on what we see in our communities as well in that there are the decision makers and then there are the decision followers. Right. And so, and even speaking up or speaking, voicing your opinion can be a very slippery slope. And so I think that patriarchal structure starts from a very young age, it's not something that you become an adult and you kind of walk into it, you're fed into it, you're groomed into like following these norms and these structures. You know, with male preference for children, they want boys instead of girls. And even in the ways that the girls are treated in families, look very different as well.

Najla Zaidi (05:23.4)

That's very, very true because when I like, for example, I'm a mom and I have a son and when I had a son, it was as if I hung the moon, you know, with my parents and my in-laws, which I would have been happy either way. I just wanted a beautiful, healthy baby. But it's very true that that's what constantly happens. And then what do you think, you know, concepts like family honor or divorce or just like, you know, how these kinds of things impact victims?

their willingness to speak out. Because I know a lot of people don't want to talk about it. So how do you think that like divorce and family honor, it plays into this?

I think that's a big thing in our community is what will people say? Or, lo kya kehenga, right? And I know that that's not where we want to stay stuck on. It's deeper and bigger than just what will people say. But aside from that, it's a reflection of what society expects from parents and how they've raised their daughter. If they raise a daughter who's vocal and doesn't take that, what does that mean for how the parents raise their daughter?

Right. And then it's like, you know, she's the troublemaker. Exactly. And you become ostracized from the community, but so does the family. Yeah. Like that's, you know, something that also I just find so sad that, especially in cases of domestic abuse or domestic violence, that even if the woman, let's say either partner chooses to speak out, they are victimized even more, it seems like. Can you speak to that?

Mm-hmm.

Zainab Qureshi (06:54.048)

I think that the point about victimization goes like if we even think about for men, if a man were to speak out that he's being abused, even those things have different, they're received differently by the community. Men are seen as weak. That's another grooming mechanism, Where boys are told, boys don't cry, you need to be a man, you need to not have feelings. And all of these things play into and contribute to then the larger conversation around gender-based violence.

And I think that like that plus just the whole help seeking of it all is that folks then don't know where to start. They don't know if they're going to walk into even sometimes into our office and see someone that they know it from the community or from.

yes, like that's a great point. Like has that ever happened before?

We've tried our best and I'm really pleased like feel free to add in here you have much more knowledge and experience when it comes to the case management piece but we've had it where like our rooms kind of set up so that our clients or DV clients are able to enter and exit with their own private entrance and exit.

That's excellent. I think that's a great point because I think it's just there's so much stigma around even speaking up. It is just sad that people are not getting the help that they need and they stay quietly as I think you've mentioned, that in these terrible relationships because they can't get out. They don't see a way out. so then like how do you so let's you know, I know that another aspect of this is immigration related stress and fear of legal repercussions. So how how do they

Najla Zaidi (08:29.278)

How does the South Asian network help in that respect?

Education is a really big component of how we ensure that folks who may be in gender-based violence situations, they know that they have rights. And so we do a lot of education around U visas and VAWAs, which are both relief and immigration relief for survivors of gender-based violence. Because they're not told that. A lot of times people get their green cards and then their partner takes the green card from them and hides it because they don't want them to have that mobility or that sort of ticket to freedom.

Right. And I think it's not just the partner too. Like have you had cases where it's been like workers that have come from overseas to work in people's homes like that situation? Yes. Like the human trafficking type cases. I've read about that as well.

Yes, absolutely. We've seen those kinds of cases.

Zainab Qureshi (09:19.778)

Yeah, that's a big one as well that we've seen.

And so, and then, so let's, you know, let's just go into misconceptions of the community. Like, what are the most common misconceptions about domestic violence within our community?

I think I can talk about this because thanks, Anna, you highlighted a lot of good points, but definitely the clients and the families and society, like they're all interconnected and definitely they play a huge role. And many times, like not understanding, obviously lack of awareness is there about the domestic violence. Many times they think this is internal matter or family matter. And definitely people don't talk about it.

I saw, like we talked about the willingness of the victims to speak out, but sometimes it's not only willingness, it's also their limitations, right? Like they're so much dependent on the other side of the abusers and extended families.

And must be fear too, like there's a lot of repercussions.

Riffat Rahman (10:21.486)

fear, they think it's a matter of shame, they feel guilty and they think it's a failure. definitely all this, we are working on this, know, clearing this and talked about this a lot and obviously we would like them to, you know, become empowered and... Right.

I mean, like, are there programs or something that you do to help to empower the people that are victimized?

Yeah, definitely. We always follow like a stages of changes model, like from the starting and we want them to move forward and they should be in a maintenance stage where they don't go back. So many of our clients for many reasons, they cannot sustain right in the.

Right, because it could be financial. Immigration.

Riffat Rahman (11:12.864)

So we award them with all their rights and we import them with other skill building activities, language, access to language rights, so all this thing and obviously financial literacy and other.

skill building classes, we provide them legal resources and definitely we have developed also toolkit in our recent programs. The main purpose is to break the silence and we are trying to empower the community religious leaders who have the, you know, more influence on people and people, especially the people at risk, sometimes they go to them and seek advice. So this toolkit is a

It's like a good way that you're bringing community awareness to break the silence and challenge these taboos. Reaching out to the religious leaders. there other things that you're doing besides?

We are definitely doing lot of outreach and it's a focused outreach that in language and we do the community profile and according to the need and our case management strategy we do that outreach education awareness and we develop a lot of community materials. We have developed a public service announcement and we have aired in the local ethnic media and

I've actually seen it and I thought it was wonderful. It was really well done. I watched it actually several times. That's why I thought to reach out to South Asian network. But we talked a little bit about multi-generational homes, their influence on the experience and the reporting of domestic violence. But can you talk more about that? How is it for the person that's being abused when they're in this situation where there may be

Najla Zaidi (12:53.464)

parents and grandparents and in-laws in this situation. How can you talk to like how that affects them being able to get help?

I signed up then so she knows better.

Can you repeat that one?

Yeah, I'm just like thinking about it. We're going back to multi-generational homes. How does the they influence the reporting and the experience of domestic violence? Because if you're living in a home with in-laws and parents or grandparents, besides just the couple and their children, I suppose one partner is being abused by several people because you know, from the research I did, sometimes it's not just one partner. It could be an in-law. It could be an aunt or an uncle.

And the victim is being silenced by these people. So can you speak to that? What are the cultural taboos

Zainab Qureshi (13:45.44)

Yeah, yeah, I think that like there's like a few components that I can think of here. The one being like what you kind of hit the nail on the head with that is that it's not just one like the intimate partner violence is not just with the intimate partner, it's the family. So if you try to walk away or you try to leave,

It's not just that one person may come after you, it's that multiple people can come after you. And it's really unfortunate that that's the case, but I also wanted to really highlight that in the South Asian community, elders are given a lot of power with their voice. Right, right.

That power can be used in a positive way too, right? We can have healthy conversations and we can have healthy examples. And then I think that the last thing that kind of came to mind is about the trust piece of doing multi-generational. You mentioned uncles and aunts and it's not even just like the father-in-law, mother-in-law situation now there's uncles and aunts. And one thing that

I think also ties into this that we haven't really talked about yet is child sexual assault. And that's a really big thing that comes up in our communities that we don't talk about. There's oftentimes aunts or uncles involved in that.

Najla Zaidi (15:01.344)

Yes, absolutely. that seems to be one, you know, to me, that's the most horrifying aspect of it. But it also seems to be the one that's the most brushed under the carpet. They don't want to talk about it. They don't want to bring it up and nothing's ever done. And they don't realize that this poor child will be affected their entire lives. Can we talk about that a little bit too?Exactly.

Yeah, I can say that those kinds of cases that come up, it again goes back to that image thing or that thing around wanting to preserve the image of the family or preserve the relationships that you have if it is an uncle or an aunt that are perpetrating this sexual assault on a child.

Right. It's horrific because we're more worried about the image and the preservation of the relationship that's caused so much harm rather than the protection and the healing of the person who's experienced such vile behavior.

Najla Zaidi (15:55.726)

Right, and do you feel like, because you know, in American culture, we know now that it takes years of therapy to heal after something like that. But do you feel now it's more open in South Asian culture where they are getting help or no?

I think that there are more people seeking help. I can say that I started at SAN in 2019 and our mental health therapists usually had a lot of openings. Now we have a wait list because there's so many more seeking or support and it's beautiful in that way that there's more help seeking behavior but it takes years and years of this outreach and this education and the work that we've done over the years to ensure that folks know they can seek help.

That's great.

Najla Zaidi (16:41.772)

And then are you finding that younger generations are more open to seeking help than older generations or is it about even now?

feel like it's pretty even. want to say our client base for our mental health unit is pretty even in terms of age range. We have seniors and older adults and then younger folks and middle-aged folks as well.

That's great. So let's now just turn to South Asian Network because I really would like to talk more about your organization and what you do. So can you tell me like the different programs that you offer for victims of abuse and how they're specifically tailored for the South Asian community?

Yeah, yeah, so we have four different programs that are main programmatic units that we offer services from. The first one being AWAS, which is the Gender-Based Violence Unit. The second one being CHI, which is our Community Health Action Initiative. The third one being our Mental Health Unit. And then last but not least is our Citizenship and Civic Engagement Unit. And all of these are interconnected. It's like very purposefully designed this way that each unit

sort of works hand in hand with the other. So some of the programmatic offerings through our community health unit are things like our public benefits enrollment. for folks who are maybe just getting out of a gender-based violence situation or domestic violence situation and they're seeking some sort of stability, we can help them apply for CalFresh or there's another program called CalWORKS, which is really great for survivors who are then able to.

Zainab Qureshi (18:12.12)

prepare themselves to enter the workforce and then also have child care at the same time.

So you're actually making people that need help aware of things that most people probably don't have any idea. Yeah.

Exactly, exactly. And then on top of that, like our citizenship and civic engagement unit really focuses on advocacy and so doing advocacy at the court level, at the policy level as well for protections for survivors or for resources for survivors. So really hand in hand in terms of all the work that we do at the mental health unit provides therapy for some of our clients as well who are seeking it.

So what are your, you know, other than the PSA that you did, which I thought was awesome, what strategies have you have been most effective in breaking the silence and encouraging community dialogue that you've seen that, you know, South Asian network has been doing? Yeah, we do.

workshops. I can say that the education piece is something that we're very strong in is being in the community, meeting the community where they're at. So going to the Mosque on Friday, going to the Gurdwara on Sunday, or the Mondays at the times where folks are gathering and providing them education or hosting workshops at these centers or on college campuses at South Asian student groups when they convene and really just having dialogues around mental health.

Zainab Qureshi (19:30.134)

Are having dialogues around healthy relationships and what those look like. And even the conversation around child abuse is not something that's even more deeply ingrained that you don't talk against your parents.

Right, right, but you have to. I mean, you have to talk about your experiences. Right.

And I think it's wonderful that they'll have a place to, know, person to talk to outside of their family. Because I think, you know, from what we've been talking about, it seems like just making, taking that step, being brave enough to come for help is a huge step in itself.

Yep. Yeah, absolutely. And and having like people who will receive you and and understand you and give you the space to you know, react how you need to react is really Yeah.

Najla Zaidi (20:15.518)

And not judge. so what are your long-term goals for addressing domestic violence in the South Asian community?

Yeah, I mean we want to continue doing the work of the education and really the toolkit that Riffa talked about. We really want that to be a better network for us in our community so that folks can go to their place of worship and tell the leadership there, hey I'm experiencing this, and they're able to then respond appropriately, reach out to us as needed, and get the support that they need. Aside from that, think sustainability, right? A big...

I guess component of the cycle of abuse is that the dependency piece, the financial dependency piece. So we're really trying to work towards building up programs for financial independence. We, we've just launched earlier this year, a small business program where we actually have two of our DV clients who are, getting, setting up their own small businesses through this. Yeah. So like giving them the tools so that they're able to become financially independent and become successful and.

That's awesome.

Zainab Qureshi (21:21.474)

then make an impact where they need to.

Right, because once you're financially independent, that is a huge component that gives you the ability to be free. Yeah. You know, of the abuse that's going on. Yeah. Thank you, Xen, so much. And thank you, Diffith. I really appreciated talking to you. And this has been so informative. And I just wish you continued success. And thank you again for talking to me today. Thank you.

Thank you. Take care.

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