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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The White Stuff: Whiting Wongs & Wonging Whites
hey're our neighbors, buddies, allies, enemies, clients, bosses, employees, lovers and spouses. Many of us have more daily contact with Whites than with other Asians. Consequently, we often feel we know them better than they can ever know us. Maybe that's at the heart of our frustration as Asian Americans. They are as ubiquitous and pervasive as the air we breath while to them it seems we are eternal curiosities, outsiders, exotics.
Bridging the gap?
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And so we sometimes find ourselves lashing out with nasty generalizations about the people we blame for all that seems wrong with American society and, more specifically, our place in it. They are ignorant, shallow, boorish, smelly, sneaky, treacherous, malicious, dumb, weird -- in short, all the labels we feel have been so unfairly slapped on us.
But even as we hurl such epithets we cannot forget the countless acts of kindness, warmth, generosity, friendship, passion and love that we have enjoyed from these very same people. As our anger and frustration subside, we recognize that our fates are inextricably intertwined, not merely in sharing a world, a nation, a society, an economy, a culture -- but often in sharing even our most intimate lives. One in five of today's Asian American marriages are to Whites. And contrary to the imbalance of the past, the ratio of new AM/WF marriages to new AF/WM marriages is steadily approaching unity.
So we naturally have a strong interest in decoding the other side of the equation. Understanding is a two-way street. Fortunately, there are Whites who have enough interest in us as individuals to share their perspectives on us and on their interactions with us. This page is for those who -- as corny as it may sound -- have chosen to serve as bridges.
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
AC Dropout -
I don't live on a farm, I live in a large city - so at least in my immediate area, the population is on par with many other cities nationwide. I don't think the "live and let live" attitude can entirely be attributed to population density, because there are certainly some remote , rural, sparsely populated areas northwest of Iowa that rumor has it house the most militantly racist folk around.
Hey, don't tip the mailman! Lol! It is against the law to bestow a gift on a federal employee. Give him a cookie so he can eat the evidence. : )
Happy Clam
Saturday, July 06, 2002 at 13:37:33 (PDT)
to T.H. Lien
I guess you're a pretty well-rounded person, what with all the languages you can speak. You'd make a good linguist for the US secret service. They're always looking for "a few good men".
Do you have any Chinese blood in you?
MLK
Friday, July 05, 2002 at 21:50:47 (PDT)
MLK,
He's just playing my Devil's Advocate. It's cool.
AC Dropout
Friday, July 05, 2002 at 12:57:18 (PDT)
To Jessica,
You made some very excellent points. You stated, "When you reach my age. You will realise the same things." I know it not polite to ask a lady her age, but would you please make a one time an exception? I want to compare your age with mine.
Good Point
Thursday, July 04, 2002 at 15:01:16 (PDT)
Happy Clam,
Didn't mean to dog on the mid-west i guess i just more of a big city kinda guy....anyway i am sure i'll be pleasantly surprised....i also found out i can get direct flights in and out of Minneapolis so i might check out Toronto for the weekend.
I have read a bit about Iowa through Bill Bryson the travel writer....his line is "I come from Des Moines. Someone had to"
BTW - can't wait to go to Mall of America!
maxdacat
Thursday, July 04, 2002 at 04:34:42 (PDT)
Jessica,
I read your post with interest...I think Asian Australian is a good combination and it's one with which i get on well. i think it has something to do with growing up in a relaxed environment and not having to wear your patriotism on your sleeve - meaning that diversity can prosper (to an extent)
i don't think we have the same pressure you get in the US over things like IR, non-IR dating, the image of Asian men in the media, WM with asian fetishes etc etc blah blah blah.....you need to come to forums like this for that stuff.
which part of Oz are you from then?
maxdacat
Thursday, July 04, 2002 at 04:27:54 (PDT)
to Annapolis-Harvard Law Grad
Why are you and AC Dropout in such a tizzy for each other? I've read your posts on Goldsea and you seem to be a pretty nice person. Actually, AC's a cool guy too, and normally, he'd rather joke around with you rather than smear you, which makes me wonder if it isn't just some sexual tension that I'm seeing between you two.
Is it?
MLK
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 22:57:30 (PDT)
MLK:
The other languages I used when I was a kid were Hakka and Malay. But my dominant language has always been English, and my best 2nd language is Cantonese, which I didn't really learn until high school. Also took 9 years of Spanish, useful only for watching soccer on Univision and repeatedly explaining to Latinos that I have no Latin American blood in me at all. (To no effect. Even if I tell them, they continue the conversation in Spanish anyway.) And then I minor in Japanese Linguistics at university.
I see you're asking what is Hakka over on hapa board. We say we're northerners. But we're genetically indistinguishable from southerners. 300 Tang Poems sound quite nice in Hakka. But only a bit better than in many other southern dialects. And we're all over the place. The northernmost restaurant in the world is owned by a Hakka. Most Chinese in the Caribbean and Latin America are of Hakka descent.
T.H. Lien
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 17:35:25 (PDT)
Bowman,
I agree with Red Red Seashell, it depends on where in China they come from, and what generation they are. As for Chinese dating customs, honestly the way that my b/f and I began dating was pretty much the same as the way I've dated other men. The only thing that I think is different is that Asians in general seem to place more importance on long-term relationships, instead of just sleeping around for fun. He always insists on paying for everything, and buys me flowers, but he is never chauvinistic, he respects me and my independence.
I was SO nervous to meet his family the first time, but like RRS said, I was just myself, and it worked out fine. He told me his Mom liked that I am polite and friendly, I am extremely polite to his parents and take extra care not to be messy in his house, as I think that's disrespectful.
If you have any other questions for me, I'd be more than happy to talk with you!
Jessica,
Your story was interesting. You sound like a nice person with a good head on her shoulders. I think it's cool that you decided what was right for you, and also that you don't say that you think Asian men are better than white men. I agree that you can only learn through mistakes. That's the process of living. Everyone makes mistakes, the important thing is to not forget the lesson.
:)
Lisa
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 11:58:42 (PDT)
ROTC-Radcliff underGrad,
Of course in your pea brain all international students want a green card marriage. Unless you didn't know most undergrads international students in good schools are from very well to do families in asia. I don't think they are looking for a hard life as an immigrant wife.
I'm sure your abrasive attitude is a hit with all the ladies.
First off insulting me is one thing. But insulting any ladies I might be interested in is another. Isn't that guilt by association. Did you miss that day in class also.
AC Dropout
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 11:47:46 (PDT)
Happy Clam,
I lived in midwest myself long long ago. But don't be delusional about safety and what not. One of the reason for the live and let live attitude in the midwest is due to lack of population density.
I tip my mailman at Xmas. Trust me they like that better than cookes. Tip them good enough and you won't believe the service you can get from a public servant.
AC Dropout
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 11:36:25 (PDT)
Jessica,
I think there are a lot more than just "one or two (Caucasian guys) who really don't deserve to go to those mental hospitals for Asian fetish". It seems like some Asian people just can't accept the fact that there are Caucasian guys out there who date people of asian descent for who they are but not what they are. And they don't date Asians just because they can't find a white woman. When can people lose these inferiority complex attitudes?! Sigh.
Red Red Seashell
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 10:42:07 (PDT)
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