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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The White Stuff: Whiting Wongs & Wonging Whites
hey're our neighbors, buddies, allies, enemies, clients, bosses, employees, lovers and spouses. Many of us have more daily contact with Whites than with other Asians. Consequently, we often feel we know them better than they can ever know us. Maybe that's at the heart of our frustration as Asian Americans. They are as ubiquitous and pervasive as the air we breath while to them it seems we are eternal curiosities, outsiders, exotics.
Bridging the gap?
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And so we sometimes find ourselves lashing out with nasty generalizations about the people we blame for all that seems wrong with American society and, more specifically, our place in it. They are ignorant, shallow, boorish, smelly, sneaky, treacherous, malicious, dumb, weird -- in short, all the labels we feel have been so unfairly slapped on us.
But even as we hurl such epithets we cannot forget the countless acts of kindness, warmth, generosity, friendship, passion and love that we have enjoyed from these very same people. As our anger and frustration subside, we recognize that our fates are inextricably intertwined, not merely in sharing a world, a nation, a society, an economy, a culture -- but often in sharing even our most intimate lives. One in five of today's Asian American marriages are to Whites. And contrary to the imbalance of the past, the ratio of new AM/WF marriages to new AF/WM marriages is steadily approaching unity.
So we naturally have a strong interest in decoding the other side of the equation. Understanding is a two-way street. Fortunately, there are Whites who have enough interest in us as individuals to share their perspectives on us and on their interactions with us. This page is for those who -- as corny as it may sound -- have chosen to serve as bridges.
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
I'm an Asian female who was in a relationship with an Australian male. I thought that was what I wanted. I was pretty naive back then. Now that I am wiser and beginning to appreciate my background and culture with education and understanding. I see things differently. I find I can really click with Asian Australian guys. Asian Australians seem to make up majority of my friends nowadays. I feel a lot closer to them naturally. A lot of people say white men are sick minded. This is not true. There are one or two who really don't deserve to go to those mental hospitals for "Asian fetish". I feel sorry for them. Those guys are just lonely people who find it hard to make friends in the real world. My advice is. Once you gain an education and have money. You can choose the guy you always dreamed of. But I also don't like people who marry to enter a country. When you reach my age. You will realise the same things. Hopefully, you won't need to go through them if you have high self-esteem. But you can only learn through mistakes.
Jessica
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 07:15:11 (PDT)
to T.H. Lien
What is your other language? (other than English I mean).
MLK
Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 20:40:12 (PDT)
AC Dropout -
If taking you to the Mall Of America was the best that this job could come up with..pffft...lol.
I live in the Midwest- in Iowa - and what it lacks in bars or clubs or what have you, it makes up for in very down to earth , genuine people. We choose to live here because Iowa and Minnesota have the number one and number two rankings for education as far as the public school system goes, and also a very low crime rate. We don't lock doors around here, the mailman gets cookies at Christmas, and most importantly, we have no problems whatsoever with our interracial marriage...
Happy Clam
Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 19:52:57 (PDT)
Bowman,
I agree with you that there is hardly any reading material for Caucasian-dating-Chinese experiences(at least not that I know of). But you see, there is so much diversity in the Chinese-American community. There is spatial diverity and there is also temporal diversity. Spatial diversity means where your girlfriend's family or ancestors came from (mainland China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore,etc.). Temporal diversity means how long they have been in the U.S.(1st, 2nd, or 3rd generation, etc.). Information like that tells you how "Chinese" her family are and how "American" they are.
You can go to a bookstore and pick up a book on Chinese-American studies. But skip the historical periods that aren't relevant. Otherwise you'll be overwhelmed because Chinese immigration is dated all the way back to 1849. I recommend the book "Watching the Tree" by Adeline Yen Mah. It is a small book, yet very comprehensive and easy to read. (This is a slow process but--)you can start reading Asian-American magazines like the A. magazine.
But all in all, you don't need to be an expert on Chinese-American culture to fit into her family. Your common sense will do. You'll find that most Chinese families are very tolerant. Just be yourself and act polite, and you'll be just fine.
P.S. Lisa might be able to give you some pointers. She is in a similar situation like yours.
Red Red Seashell
Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 10:21:58 (PDT)
AC Clueless:
"And my accent was horrible. But in college the cute international female students from HK, ROC, and PRC got the better of me and I studied and refined my Chinese till I could no longer be distinquished from them."
Dreaming again? About the only thing the "cute international students" wanted from you was a residency status. Judging by your cocky attitude, the only woman you'd attract are the submissive ones, and those aren't worth attracting at all.
Annapolis-Harvard Law Grad
Monday, July 01, 2002 at 19:01:20 (PDT)
Bowman,
I don't think there are any ceremonies to dating in Chinese culture. The easiest way to learn about culture is to start from history. Find out where her family immigrated from and when and study up on the history after WWII.
AC Dropout
Monday, July 01, 2002 at 14:53:46 (PDT)
Red Red Seashell,
Actually I recently got hooked on a soap opera from China. About a playboy who had 3 women after him. It was really sad cause all the women and guys in the story got married and divorced. One of the prettier girls was like Ross Geller from Friends. She got married and divorces like 3 times in the show. I actually enjoyed the show, because some of the character would back stab each other for the guy. And the guy was such a SAP. He was so indecisive.
It depends these shows are very formula based. So sometimes you have to watch a Korean or Japanese soap. Then come back for a Taiwan, HK, or PRC soap.
AC Dropout
Monday, July 01, 2002 at 14:44:33 (PDT)
maxdacat,
Ugh, I did an interview for a job in St. Paul, MN out of college. They took me to the Mall of America (USA largest mall) as the high point of the 2 day interview. It was the middle of winter too. Ugh.
Oh come on you can compare mid west cities to Sydney. That's like looking for civilization on the West coast of OZ.
AC Dropout
Monday, July 01, 2002 at 14:35:54 (PDT)
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