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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The White Stuff: Whiting Wongs & Wonging Whites
hey're our neighbors, buddies, allies, enemies, clients, bosses, employees, lovers and spouses. Many of us have more daily contact with Whites than with other Asians. Consequently, we often feel we know them better than they can ever know us. Maybe that's at the heart of our frustration as Asian Americans. They are as ubiquitous and pervasive as the air we breath while to them it seems we are eternal curiosities, outsiders, exotics.
Bridging the gap?
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And so we sometimes find ourselves lashing out with nasty generalizations about the people we blame for all that seems wrong with American society and, more specifically, our place in it. They are ignorant, shallow, boorish, smelly, sneaky, treacherous, malicious, dumb, weird -- in short, all the labels we feel have been so unfairly slapped on us.
But even as we hurl such epithets we cannot forget the countless acts of kindness, warmth, generosity, friendship, passion and love that we have enjoyed from these very same people. As our anger and frustration subside, we recognize that our fates are inextricably intertwined, not merely in sharing a world, a nation, a society, an economy, a culture -- but often in sharing even our most intimate lives. One in five of today's Asian American marriages are to Whites. And contrary to the imbalance of the past, the ratio of new AM/WF marriages to new AF/WM marriages is steadily approaching unity.
So we naturally have a strong interest in decoding the other side of the equation. Understanding is a two-way street. Fortunately, there are Whites who have enough interest in us as individuals to share their perspectives on us and on their interactions with us. This page is for those who -- as corny as it may sound -- have chosen to serve as bridges.
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
TigerLily,
I didn't mean that Chinese should be spoken exclusively in the home, I think that both English and Chinese should be spoken at home. Maybe sending the child to Chinese school after school would be a good idea as well. I would definitely want any child of mine to be extremely proficient in English so that they are prepared to do well in school. I guess this is a tough one, finding the right balance of speaking the two languages, so that the child has a thorough command of both English and Chinese.
Lisa
Monday, June 24, 2002 at 15:07:37 (PDT)
TigerLily:
The method you are using is the correct one according to several bilingual educational resources. One primary caregiver uses only English and the other uses only the second language. Julie and I are speaking English with Helena while her Waipoi is only speaking Mandarin to her. Her babytalk/babbling is already reflecting both English and Chinese syllables. It's going to be interesting to see how her language develops.
Hank Lewis
Monday, June 24, 2002 at 13:03:01 (PDT)
Annapolis-Harvard Law Grad,
Note that I was saying my parents think white guys tend to have better manners than "Chinese guys in China", not Chinese-Americans or Asian-Americans. In some regions in China, men are still raised to think that women should be subservient to them. I have relatives in China, and it is clear that most of the husbands are man-chauvinists. For your information, I have dated two foreign students from China, and they were jerks. I couldn't believe that after the initial courtship was over they expected me to be submissive to them. They treated their buddies better than me!
I wouldn't mind dating an Asian-American who didn't grow up with man-chauvinist influence and who knows how to treat a woman properly. It is just that a nice white guy happened to come into my life before them. As for my parents, I admire them greatly for their open-mindedness. They spent most of their lives in China and immigrated to the US in their 50s. Yet they are very adaptive to the American culture and raise their children with an open mind. How many Chinese of their generation can do that? Very few, I am afraid. And that's why we have so much miscommunication between parents and children in AA families related to generational as well as cultural gaps. Don't you think we need more AA parents like them to make it easier for children to get along with all races instead of prejudicing other races or other AAs and labelling them "white-washed"?
Red Red Seashell
Monday, June 24, 2002 at 11:06:53 (PDT)
Lisa,
Within our family the children are bilingual via one parent speaking only English, one speaking only Chinese to them.
Someone said that both parents need to speak Chinese - in which case, where exactly is the child learning English prior to entering the school system? I don't see how that would be effective, so don't think that is the correct way to do it.
TigerLily
Sunday, June 23, 2002 at 19:38:06 (PDT)
Red Red Seashell,
Thanks so much for the advice! I'm going to buy that book right away.
I agree with AC Dropout that if you want to have bilingual children it's important for both parents to be fluent in Chinese, and to speak it in the home.
Annapolis Harvard Law Grad,
Who are you to be attacking Red Red Seashell like that? You just make this assumption that she's only dated white guys. So what if she has? That doesn't make her "white washed". And adding your alma maters in your moniker doesn't make your nasty comments sound any more intelligent.
question (aka Lisa)
Sunday, June 23, 2002 at 08:07:37 (PDT)
Red Red Seashell:
To be honest, whatever you do in the home environment is only going to be a kick-start for your child's language development. He'll only really get good at the language if he somehow ends up in a peer group which uses that language a lot. This is true for kids regardless of their racial mix. (I doubt I could speak or read Chinese today if there weren't so many Malaysian Chinese and HKers in my high school.) Though mixed-race kids seem to be more likely to hang out either with white people or with a heavily Americanized Asian-American clique. Then when Asian people look down on them because they don't speak an Asian language, they misinterpret it as racism and begin a lifelong cycle of whining combined with an overinflated sense of self-esteem about being mixed race and therefore "special." Before 8th grade I was headed straight down that path. Some of my old friends are still on it.
That peer group speaking Chinese is a lot easier to find in Asia, but even there, some mixed-race kids spend all their lives hanging out with the white crowd at international school, and end up leaving the country for university still unable to speak the language of one of their parents and of the country they've resided in their whole lives.
Also most "Chinese language schools" are just daycare centers. The people who run them tend to have zero formal training or licensing either in applied linguistics or in childcare. Caveat emptor. Don't rely on them unless you've seen results such as a majority of graduates being able to understand the TV, hold a conversation, and enter into higher than "Advanced 1st Year Chinese" once they get to university.
T.H. Lien
Friday, June 21, 2002 at 18:54:47 (PDT)
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