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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The White Stuff: Whiting Wongs & Wonging Whites
hey're our neighbors, buddies, allies, enemies, clients, bosses, employees, lovers and spouses. Many of us have more daily contact with Whites than with other Asians. Consequently, we often feel we know them better than they can ever know us. Maybe that's at the heart of our frustration as Asian Americans. They are as ubiquitous and pervasive as the air we breath while to them it seems we are eternal curiosities, outsiders, exotics.
Bridging the gap?
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And so we sometimes find ourselves lashing out with nasty generalizations about the people we blame for all that seems wrong with American society and, more specifically, our place in it. They are ignorant, shallow, boorish, smelly, sneaky, treacherous, malicious, dumb, weird -- in short, all the labels we feel have been so unfairly slapped on us.
But even as we hurl such epithets we cannot forget the countless acts of kindness, warmth, generosity, friendship, passion and love that we have enjoyed from these very same people. As our anger and frustration subside, we recognize that our fates are inextricably intertwined, not merely in sharing a world, a nation, a society, an economy, a culture -- but often in sharing even our most intimate lives. One in five of today's Asian American marriages are to Whites. And contrary to the imbalance of the past, the ratio of new AM/WF marriages to new AF/WM marriages is steadily approaching unity.
So we naturally have a strong interest in decoding the other side of the equation. Understanding is a two-way street. Fortunately, there are Whites who have enough interest in us as individuals to share their perspectives on us and on their interactions with us. This page is for those who -- as corny as it may sound -- have chosen to serve as bridges.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
krasavitsa:
What now, do you want to call yoursef " boginya (goddess in Russian )?
We'll there was a gymnast named Svetlana Boginskaya (limpid stream goddess ). Tsk,Tsk, Tsk....... odd this conversation has turned this way... oh well, what more can I say.
biaknabato
Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 19:22:54 (PDT)
this Is what I was looking for when I came to this site. I never knew the depth of resentment some asian americans had for white americans until I came here. I live in Honolulu Hawaii and the experiences I've had with the Asians here has been different than all others. Probably due to the fact that they arent a small portion of the population here.
arcshot101
Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 17:55:16 (PDT)
rabbitsoup,
You made me laugh when i read 'numbskullsoup':)) Thanks, hon!
krasavitsa
Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 07:50:03 (PDT)
<>>
It appears to me, Rabbit Soup, the " we" is the Asian folk...the " other side of the equation" is the white folk. I assume this because the perspective being taken by the author or board editor in all these forum intros is that of the Asian, not of a white. This defines for me who falls into the " we" , " them" category.
<>> I.e: the WHITE perspective
<>
Since this is the sentence immediately following, it appears the bridges being referred to are the whites folks communicating.
Nothing ambiguous to me.
I have no problem with Krasavitsa or anyone else posting. I do have problems with smart asses like you dissing people because of YOUR little comprehension , not theirs. Remember, better to remain silent and let people think you are a fool, then open your mouth and prove it.
If the editors want this forum to have a different definition, then they need to reword their intro.
Laughs at Wascally Wabbits
Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 07:30:45 (PDT)
question
The first step i would suggest is to let go of this assumption that there's a thing called an "Asian culture" that someone could "just explain" to you.
Understanding other cultures is a step-by-step process, and your understanding will vary, depending on whom you get to know, and what kind of questions you ask.
Which Asian culture would you like to 'understand', and why? What are your goals of understanding - to help your relations with your boyfriend, to have access to alternative points of view, or just curiosity?
If there's a cultural divide between you and another person, perhaps you need to explain your own culture, too.
krasavitsa
Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 01:52:05 (PDT)
Hence, krasavitsa, if she has a relevant comment on these topics articulated in the title, is just as welcome as you, numbskullsoup.
Well she doesn't though.
Who gives a rat's ass about her homework?
Rabbithunter
Friday, June 07, 2002 at 17:15:36 (PDT)
For "Questions"
you will always be from different cultures, and always have differences, since your backgrounds are different, your language and your experiences being in these cultures. But the thing is that being together, people naturally learn more and more about each other and almost develop their own "family unit" culture between themselves, that comes from both of their cultures and from things they share personally together.If there is true intimacy, no one or no thing can break that... bonding.
The thing about Chinese culture that I now understand , meaning understand as far as knowing what it means and how it works, to the best of my ability, is the whole "saving face" thing. What a completely different way of thinking and how very different than what I have ever been exposed to.
Also the whole "dancing around the point" thing. I am used to just speaking honestly and directly, yet politely, and getting things out in the open. In my experience, that is looked at as rude and brash in the Chinese and yes usually does not mean yes, and is said to just shut you up by being polite. No is never said directly.
I know so many people are offended and hate the Joy Luck Club, but that movie has a scene in it that always reminds me of the reality of the differences of the culture. When the Chinese woman has her Caucasian boyfriend come to dinner with her family, and her mother presents a dish and says "This dish is not good, not salty enough, but please eat", the American guy took it literally and thought she really was not pleased with the dish. His answer was to be direct and try to help, as if she were asking for a solution by stating that. But actually it was her way of hiding her pride in the dish and not boasting. She was horrified he poured soy sauce over it. To him it was helping and to her it was him being horribly rude!
So many things are not meant literally, and there are many rules that go far beyond simple etiquette.
I think accepting that their are differences is the first step, and then BOTH sides have to bend a little. Learn as much as you can and try to have your boyfriend remind people that you are from a different culture and do things differently, and are still learning about his. And then do just that, learn all you can so you can help build a bridge. That is the best way to build a bridge. I love my husband for all that he is. I wish you and your BF happiness.
Hannybunbun
Friday, June 07, 2002 at 11:54:09 (PDT)
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