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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The White Stuff: Whiting Wongs & Wonging Whites
hey're our neighbors, buddies, allies, enemies, clients, bosses, employees, lovers and spouses. Many of us have more daily contact with Whites than with other Asians. Consequently, we often feel we know them better than they can ever know us. Maybe that's at the heart of our frustration as Asian Americans. They are as ubiquitous and pervasive as the air we breath while to them it seems we are eternal curiosities, outsiders, exotics.
Bridging the gap?
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And so we sometimes find ourselves lashing out with nasty generalizations about the people we blame for all that seems wrong with American society and, more specifically, our place in it. They are ignorant, shallow, boorish, smelly, sneaky, treacherous, malicious, dumb, weird -- in short, all the labels we feel have been so unfairly slapped on us.
But even as we hurl such epithets we cannot forget the countless acts of kindness, warmth, generosity, friendship, passion and love that we have enjoyed from these very same people. As our anger and frustration subside, we recognize that our fates are inextricably intertwined, not merely in sharing a world, a nation, a society, an economy, a culture -- but often in sharing even our most intimate lives. One in five of today's Asian American marriages are to Whites. And contrary to the imbalance of the past, the ratio of new AM/WF marriages to new AF/WM marriages is steadily approaching unity.
So we naturally have a strong interest in decoding the other side of the equation. Understanding is a two-way street. Fortunately, there are Whites who have enough interest in us as individuals to share their perspectives on us and on their interactions with us. This page is for those who -- as corny as it may sound -- have chosen to serve as bridges.
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
Oh grrrrreat...! As an AF in a relationship with a WM, it seems i've come into this forum only to be insulted! Not only am i "ugly" according to RAY, but i'm going out with my bf for "socio-economic reasons" according to Chinese Aussie Bloke!
Thanks guys! You are sooo wrong, but anyway.... i'll live :) Chinese Aussie Bloke, where did you get this twisted impression from? I think you've absorbed too many mainstream Australian, anti-Asian, racist stereotypes. Which part of Australia do you live in?
I grew up in a 99.999% white Australian neighbourhood and was myself inevitably "whitewashed". You can't help being whitewashed when you're a kid and you're practically drowning in the can of whitewash.
Australia in the early 80s was, for the most part, a nightmarish place for an Asian kid to grow up and try to fit in. By second grade i'd copped enough racism to desperately want blonde hair, freckles and an english name. I grew up literally thinking i was a freak, and that life had dealt me a really bad hand.
As i got older i learnt all about the social phenomenon of 'racism' and about (real) Australian history. I devoured books on cultural theory, because they gave me most of the answers i'd been starving for all my life.
Anyway, over the years i must have developed a subliminal contempt for Anglo-Australians. I don't hate them on a conscious level, "one of my closest friends is an Anglo" (pardon the cliche). But for some reason, i have never been, and cannot imagine ever being, attracted to an Anglo-Australian male! Something about their accent, mannerisms and features turns me off, triggers a bad feeling inside.
Note that i mean specifically Anglo-Saxon Australian, and not the broader category of "whites". My current long-term partner is Russian [apologies to those who are sick of reading about my Russian boyfriend, he's in the US at the moment and i miss him like hell, that's why i keep bringing him up, you know how it is.]
Anyway, i realised i wasn't attracted to Anglo Aussies when i analysed my dating history - all the romantic interests have been immigrants or aliens (love using that word :) either from Europe, Asia or the US (i haven't known enough Africans).
As for my own cultural background, it's Chinese, but i have been irretrievably "whitewashed" (and brainwashed) due to circumstances. I'm *very* ashamed now of the shame that i felt as a child about my Asianness, and am bitter about the forces that drove me to it. Now I can't string a proper sentence together in Chinese, and i fear i'll never be able to fully understand or be close to my mother. I'm one of those Asians that most Asians think is weird (not in a good way). My closest Asian friends are gay guys, who understand about being an 'outsider'.
Although i cannot deny being 'western' due to my education and circumstances, i try to make up for it by being as critical as possible, and not just passively absorbing the dominant cultural forces. I don't identify with any defined cultural grouping at all. I try to mix my identity up as much as possible so that people find it hard to label me.
Krasavitsa (betcha didn't know i was Aussie :)
Wednesday, May 29, 2002 at 10:54:02 (PDT)
Chinese Aussie Bloke,
i don't know about socio-economic reasons versus lifestyle reasons....but in most big cities in australia cross cultural marriages don't seem to be a big deal....those who want to do while those who don't don't
most (70%) of the asian girls i know there date asian but i couldn't say this is representative.....i do think that in australia it is easy to live in your own ethnic bubble.....i feel sorry for the loads of asian students who visit and don't ever make any aussie friends
curious girl,
i have seen some whites who live in asia and totally try to fit in. if they are losing their culture no-one is shedding any tears yet there is all this kerfuffle about asians in america....i think by complaining about it you are coming across as more american than you think.
maxdacat
Wednesday, May 29, 2002 at 06:13:45 (PDT)
DevilsAdvocate:
Those kind of relationships based upon misperceptions and fetishes do not last because they lack substance. The AF/WM relationships that do last, and there are PLENTY of those I might add, are because of things in common, mutual physical attraction and true love.
Plus, most AFs who have any substance will NOT date a WM who is obviously after them because of a fetish or some weird ideas he got about AFs from the movies or TV shows. The AFs of quality who do date WMs will weed out the fetishists and find those guys who are genuinely attracted to them as WOMEN, not as ASIAN WOMEN. Plus, a WM of substance won't date Asian women who want to date him as a WHITE MAN. He'll only date a woman who likes him just as a MAN.
It's too bad people can't just date whom they like but rather have to worry about all these subtexts.
Janet Chang Hawkins
Tuesday, May 28, 2002 at 06:56:27 (PDT)
Ray,
Perhaps this disparity you have noticed may be due the fact that the white girls that date these asian guys are dating them for their looks and personality. On the contrary, white guys may date any asian girl based on stereotypes or personal biases which may have little to do with the person's qualities. This isn't far-fetched when you consider the numerous messages fed to white men by the media about Dragonladys (Lucy Liu) and submissive geisha types (little demure Japanese student types).
Devil's Advocate
Devil's Advocate
Sunday, May 26, 2002 at 03:40:54 (PDT)
Just what I've noticed,
You are quite wrong. I am a WF dating an AM and he is incredibly gorgeous, built, well-educated, hard working, successful, etc etc. I've read AF's complaining on other boards that all the good looking AM's are leaving them for WF's, and that all they're left with is the leftovers.
curious girl
Friday, May 24, 2002 at 11:29:03 (PDT)
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