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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The White Stuff: Whiting Wongs & Wonging Whites
hey're our neighbors, buddies, allies, enemies, clients, bosses, employees, lovers and spouses. Many of us have more daily contact with Whites than with other Asians. Consequently, we often feel we know them better than they can ever know us. Maybe that's at the heart of our frustration as Asian Americans. They are as ubiquitous and pervasive as the air we breath while to them it seems we are eternal curiosities, outsiders, exotics.
Bridging the gap?
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And so we sometimes find ourselves lashing out with nasty generalizations about the people we blame for all that seems wrong with American society and, more specifically, our place in it. They are ignorant, shallow, boorish, smelly, sneaky, treacherous, malicious, dumb, weird -- in short, all the labels we feel have been so unfairly slapped on us.
But even as we hurl such epithets we cannot forget the countless acts of kindness, warmth, generosity, friendship, passion and love that we have enjoyed from these very same people. As our anger and frustration subside, we recognize that our fates are inextricably intertwined, not merely in sharing a world, a nation, a society, an economy, a culture -- but often in sharing even our most intimate lives. One in five of today's Asian American marriages are to Whites. And contrary to the imbalance of the past, the ratio of new AM/WF marriages to new AF/WM marriages is steadily approaching unity.
So we naturally have a strong interest in decoding the other side of the equation. Understanding is a two-way street. Fortunately, there are Whites who have enough interest in us as individuals to share their perspectives on us and on their interactions with us. This page is for those who -- as corny as it may sound -- have chosen to serve as bridges.
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
Ray,
I understand what you are saying, I think its similar in Australia, although I definately do not think this is always the case. I'm going to an AF/WM wedding shortly, and I would'nt call them unattractive.
One reason for it may be that there are more AF/WM relationships than there are WF/AM in general, therefore you tend to notice more less attractive AF/WM couples due to sheer numbers.
At the risk of sounding un PC, a second reason may be that AF/WM relationships are often based more on socio-economic reasons, whereas couples in a WF/AM relationship are making more of a lifestyle choice, so more selectiveness can be afforded.
Chinese Aussie Bloke
Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 22:53:51 (PDT)
RAY:
I live in LA. Actually, I've noticed that the Asian counterpart (male AND female) of BOTH types of Asian/White relationships tend to look less attractive by Asian standards.
Maybe that's why they're with another race.
To the NA's, we're "exotic" in some form or another anyhow.
The pool of good looking Asians then swells, and everyone's happy.
Just what I've noticed...
Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 16:25:28 (PDT)
"Fortunately, there are Whites who have enough interest in us as individuals to share their perspectives on us and on their interactions with us."
So you dont give a damn about other people? This is a multi ethnic society not an Asian and White only as you people wish it were
senorita sexXxy
Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 12:33:17 (PDT)
asian women are always dating white men and want white looking kids especially the japanese You guys have a real thing for blonde hair in particular. But your kids always look straight asian so what is the point are asian men not good enough?
senorita sexXxy
Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 12:31:40 (PDT)
I live on the West Coast. From what I have seen in terms of young AM/WF and WM/AF couples recently, there is a surprising trend.
Of the young AM/WF couples I have seen, most of the asian guys are good-looking and seem confident. Most of the WM/AF couples I have seen, the asian girl isn't particulary attractive by asian standards. Has anyone noticed this besides me?
RAY
Wednesday, May 22, 2002 at 01:30:02 (PDT)
maxdacat,
The difference to me seems to be that "whitewashed" means that you've given up your asian heritage in order to fit in to mainstream white society. You want to look, act, speak, be white. Whereas a white person that is dating/married to an asian person, or is interested in asian culture, still retains their "whiteness" and their culture. They don't have to give anything up. I am dating an AM and neither of us had to "give up" any part of ourselves or our culture for the other person.
curious girl
Monday, May 20, 2002 at 08:35:04 (PDT)
Maxdacat:
Good point. Very few people who want to be on TV ever make it there anyway.
Hank Lewis
Monday, May 20, 2002 at 06:40:36 (PDT)
we keep hearing about how AF's are too "whitewashed" in these forums....so what about white people who have a thing for asian culture?
if you're asian does it strike you as wierd or something? if i as a WM have so called "yellow fever" am i somehow abnormal? i like who i am and definitely feel that i have an "asian" side....without of course being a sell-out to my own culture.....but i'm an aussie anyway so we don't have any culture....ha ha ha!
maxdacat
Friday, May 17, 2002 at 08:29:30 (PDT)
Why do people (americans in particular) feel they need validation by the mainstream media?
i mean if you couldn't have a cross-ethnic relationship without it having been documented on TV you need help!
it's true that media portrayals can be simplistic and even hurtful but they shouldn't dictate your behaviour
maxdacat
Friday, May 17, 2002 at 08:23:31 (PDT)
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