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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The White Stuff: Whiting Wongs & Wonging Whites
hey're our neighbors, buddies, allies, enemies, clients, bosses, employees, lovers and spouses. Many of us have more daily contact with Whites than with other Asians. Consequently, we often feel we know them better than they can ever know us. Maybe that's at the heart of our frustration as Asian Americans. They are as ubiquitous and pervasive as the air we breath while to them it seems we are eternal curiosities, outsiders, exotics.
Bridging the gap?
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And so we sometimes find ourselves lashing out with nasty generalizations about the people we blame for all that seems wrong with American society and, more specifically, our place in it. They are ignorant, shallow, boorish, smelly, sneaky, treacherous, malicious, dumb, weird -- in short, all the labels we feel have been so unfairly slapped on us.
But even as we hurl such epithets we cannot forget the countless acts of kindness, warmth, generosity, friendship, passion and love that we have enjoyed from these very same people. As our anger and frustration subside, we recognize that our fates are inextricably intertwined, not merely in sharing a world, a nation, a society, an economy, a culture -- but often in sharing even our most intimate lives. One in five of today's Asian American marriages are to Whites. And contrary to the imbalance of the past, the ratio of new AM/WF marriages to new AF/WM marriages is steadily approaching unity.
So we naturally have a strong interest in decoding the other side of the equation. Understanding is a two-way street. Fortunately, there are Whites who have enough interest in us as individuals to share their perspectives on us and on their interactions with us. This page is for those who -- as corny as it may sound -- have chosen to serve as bridges.
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
Asian Dominatrix:
I should've said that my friend wasn't born here; he came here when he was about 12, and said that he can read and write Vietnamese. So maybe he's embarrassed, like you said, or has some other issue. Or maybe he just doesn't want to explain things to me. I'm an adopted person, and don't know "what" I am; I think that's why I'm drawn to people from other countries who have a rich culture and heritage.
still curious white person
Monday, April 01, 2002 at 07:55:03 (PST)
Vani, Port Blair,
I actually responded to him on March 13 in the AF/WM poll. More than 2 wks ago.
Asian Dominatrix
Sunday, March 31, 2002 at 20:01:59 (PST)
"It will also be offensive to a lot of whites (myself included) to assume that they have not been the target of discrimination just because they are white....But might I bring to your attention the homosexuals who have also been treated thus? The Wiccans and other neo-pagans who have lost their jobs, their children, their homes, and their health, and often not seen justice?"
Very true. I don't think anyone here is trying to claim that Asians are the ONLY victims of discrimination or that racial discrimination is the only sort of discrimination in America or anywhere else. I would say it is highly likely that blacks (and black Hispanics), gays, atheists, etc. face more overt discrimination than Asians.
And as far as sexism goes, many of us well aware that when compared with the white man, the white woman still has a much tougher battle moving up the corporate (or academic) ladder. I've noticed in England, for instance, that when girls perform better than boys on their public exams, there is great concern and worry in newspapers about why boys are doing worse, but when boys are doing better, you get triumphant headlines like "Boys are back on top!" Trouble is, despite all the talk of equal rights and equal opportunities, some groups are still at the top of the pecking order--and that is the stinger. This is not whining: this is just acknowledging the basic facts. Take Carly Fiorina. If she were a man, do you think she would encounter as much flack as she has about trying to change HP (whatever we might think of her ideas)? I have always found it quite interesting how men get commended for being daring but women get criticised for it. And if she were Asian, she'd probably be called a pushy dragonlady.
However, since this is an Asian website, much of the discussion here will naturally be focused on anti-Asian discrimination in a supposedly pluralistic America (or Britain).Many of us know that Asians continue to face overt and covert forms of racism, and that we can't always expect alliances: for instance, when I go to conferences, I notice that white men are usually more willing to speak to me than white women are even tho' I expect to find more professional alliances amongst the latter.
And sometimes on this site, it is as easy to slip into stereotyping as any one else, especially when someone posts an idiotic, inflammatory remark like "White girls rule" (on another forum), "Black girls are better". No one likes to be told that their race/gender is inferior! Hell, I don't even like it when WM come to the AF/WM site saying that Asian females are superior to white ones. My first reaction is always "What gives YOU the right to decide what men/women are better?"
I'm sure many will agree that it's one thing to state preferences--"I prefer blue eyes/slanted eyes/raven black hair/blond curls" etc. or even "red haired girls are the most awesome"--but quite another to say that one race of women (or men) is BETTER than another race, even if it's on a seemingly trivial matter like looks. The same applies to women praising their own race at the expense of others, or making it seem as if positive traits were UNIQUE to her own race. (Note that this is very different from someone claiming that their race does have at least as much intelligence,looks, whatever as any other race.)
As for that supposedly white poster's remarks on Asian, Lebanese, and white women on the gender divide board, I think any forum is always going to have its share of divisiveness, but it looks like he is after one acknowledgement, and one acknowledgement only: that whites are better than Asians and most Asians (esp. women) want to be white. Some of his comments have merit but it is all getting quite tiresome with the same argument rehashed over and over again. He hasn't quite said that AFs slither on all fours but he's close to it.
Asian Dominatrix
Sunday, March 31, 2002 at 19:42:26 (PST)
Berkeley,
Uma Thurman is part asian?
Which part?
Beside the word "Uma" which is an asian goddess name, I did not know any part of her was of asian descent.
AC Dropout
Sunday, March 31, 2002 at 11:17:20 (PST)
Everybody is different.
I've met AA males that are wonderfully sweet and nice to their WF girlfriends, much nicer/classier than I've seen WM's acting in the small white town I've grown up in. I was told growing up, that whites treated their women the best. Unfortunately, amongst my friends and sisters, that hasn't been always true--in ugly ways. After I learned some really harsh lessons from WMs, I started dating without regard to race.....
And yes, when I've dated AM, all the sudden the expectations from both families decreased, it was freeing in certain ways.
I've also met AA male that was quite happy to chatter on that whites smelled and that they made white houseguests shower before sleeping at night, so that they'd leave no residual body odor to offend visiting Asians. On & on about the body odor, and various dates, he chattered.
Another AA guy is searching for the ultimate model-looking babe, and he's been lonely for years. Either that or he's toooooo chickensh-t to be honest and come out of the closet....
Another time, I went with a Hawaiian friend into a Hawaiian party---you talk about the stinkeye, I thought I was going to get a beating---but with patience, time and a sh-teating grin, things got better, and we had an excellent time.
I thought the odor thing was horrifying and hypocritical. I didn't have the heart to tell that person of the former Korean boyfriend who used to have to drive backstreets with his boss's visiting Korean friends to find hookers, or the Japanese horny biz men at Honolulu nightclubs----I bet they weren't too concerned about stinky races....
I've done a smell test, and I think that different people ALL have their own stink that they should deal with. Depending on how much you like the person, is how bearable it is.
Girls just want to be treated nicely and with respect, and if they can up their odds by dating more than one race, go for it. ALL you AM's out there, loosen up! stop being shy, afraid of your family or whatever the problem is, cuz this WF sure likes it all!
BTW: Militant racists of any race are unpleasant to hang out with, I don't care how PC it is nowadays to be a "race activist". I seriously doubt any race is going to be impacted whatsoever by a few intermarriages.
If you want to be angry, admit it and enjoy it.. If you want to have fun, start hanging out with nicer people...
Green-eyed Red Tigeress
madame_fff@yahoo.com
Sunday, March 31, 2002 at 10:35:44 (PST)
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