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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
AA MEN SEEK OUT NON-ASIAN WOMEN
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian women are only interested in non-Asian men and don't give Asian men the time of day. That's the reason cited by many AA men for dating and marrying non-Asians. A minority of AA men say they simply find non-Asian women more physically attractive or more appealing in terms of personality, values and interests.
The new pairing?
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Whatever the reasons, the rates at which young Asian men are dating and marrying non-Asian women are quickly approaching the rates at which Asian women are outdating and outmarrying (about 38%). Some Asian women are complaining that they aren't getting a fair shake because Asian men have been brainwashed by media standards of desirability.
What are the real reasons for so many Asian men seeking out non-Asian women? How do Asian women really feel about this trend? Who benefits most from it? Will the trend continue? We want to hear your views.
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
You know something guys,
AF(18), not to put pressure on her or anything. But everytime we talk about Af selling-out/ or one who looks down upon their own kind. She doesn't seems to have anything to say about it. But she is all in our business when it comes to AM selling-out. Hmmmm, Weird, kinda twisted, don't ya think. lol
unique apple on the tree
Thursday, October 03, 2002 at 07:53:35 (PDT)
[162.83.150.234]
Hi everyone,
Its nice to see positive things about Asian Men and Women who are with White, Black, Asian and all other types. I feel that interracial relationships are quite special. These will always have a special place in my heart. I have been visiting the Goldsea for quite some time now. Do you know what drew me to this place? It was the fact that I was in a longterm deep relationship with a wonderful man who is Asian. Our relationship has ended. I really miss him alot and my heart is still grieving right now. I just want to wish everyone on here warm blessings and love. I just don't feel that its necessary for me to come here anymore. I was only coming here to learn more about certain things. Everyone take care of yourselves and your relationships with the ones you truly love. Don't ever let the ignorance of racism of family, peer groups and society stop you from being with the one you love, don't ever take your love for granted... because you just might lose it someday. And you will wish you had it all back...and all the wishing in the world won't bring it back.. Once something so special like that comes around, hold on to it with all your might.
fallllenhearts
Thursday, October 03, 2002 at 06:42:02 (PDT)
[205.188.208.43]
Repost and others:
Here are very rough estimates:
WF:
2% Prefer AM and actively seek them out
95% Don't care about race
3% Absolutely will not date AM
AF:
15% Absolutely will not date AM
The point is that your type 1 and 2 don't take into account the vast majority of non-AF who, while they may have never dated an AM before and don't actively seek them out, wouldn't mind dating an AM that they're attracted to.
Secondly, other AM and I have found that WF are actually more open to dating AM than AF. When I see women checking me out, it's almost always a WF. When a woman flirts with me, she's almost always white. When a woman asks me out, she's never Asian.
S.U.A.G.
Wednesday, October 02, 2002 at 17:09:32 (PDT)
[12.221.106.26]
What kind of people (or AMs/AFs) remain inside the heart of the "community" (for the case that such a community exists) if those who outmarry depart from it? Or are the "pure-breeders" not the heart of the Asian communities?
question
Wednesday, October 02, 2002 at 15:20:15 (PDT)
[62.158.89.45]
CaliGirl,
You know what is really funny and ironic. You sounded like a friend I used to work with who, btw is Hispanic. She also told me, from her experience with asian female, her friend, that some wouldn't date asain men. And I know this is true for some AF. But.. .Believe me...there are asian men who wouldn't date their own kind either. I believe there are people from every race that are like this.
[Ex; Some american born don't like fob, or whatever, I mean, this is even true for some Italian born with their own kind]
Cause I remember myself back when I met a German woman that wouldn't date anything but asian. I also remember the time when we were walking in the city, and passed by some fairly good looking white guys. And I ask her, jokingly, what she thought about those guys and if she like them or would date them. Surprisingly, she said "no"; that was my frist experience with a white woman that wouldn't date her own kind.
If I remember correctly from your post, you also said something about Hispanic girls [your friend] who wouldn't date their own kind, is this true? This, however I never come across. But I do assume there are people like this in every race, do you agree?
P.s the old saying of "what goes around comes around" applys here.
Ironic, but true
Wednesday, October 02, 2002 at 09:42:10 (PDT)
[205.232.102.18]
MsL wrote:
"I know a guy I used to work with who is Indonesian and he only liked blond tall white model looking women. ya think he's a "sell out" anybody?"
But don't most men like tall model like blonde white women? I would think there'd be something wrong with a guy who doesn't like tall model like blonde white women.
A point on "selling out". You may not like this, but it is still the man's role to get the woman and the woman's role to give herself to the man. In this context, when a man takes a woman of another race it is not seen as a sign of weakness (selling out) but a sign of power and strength (conquering another man's womenfolk). This is not true for the woman. For a woman to give herself to a man of another race, it is an implicit admission of weakness in one's own race. In today's more liberal society this is becoming less and less true, but it is nonetheless how things still are.
Deng Ai
Wednesday, October 02, 2002 at 08:18:37 (PDT)
[198.6.73.7]
[This page is for discussing AM in IR relations, not the AA Gender Divide. Wildy off-target posts have been omitted. Relevance is key to posting on Goldsea. Our pages aren't opportunities to blow your stack about pet peeves unless they're relevant. --Ed]
To: Go experiment
Wow, finally a word of sanity. I have to agree with you but I’m going to take it a step further. Why should one care about the out-marriage rates anyway? It’s not like an Asian man will be married to 25% of all Asian women. And just because a woman may be non-Asian, it doesn’t mean she’s automatically your friend. Some non-Asian women look down on Asian men just as much as some Asian women look down on Asian men. So, we can look at two types of women:
1. Women (Asian and non-Asian) who hate Asian men.
2. Women (Asian and non-Asian) who like Asian men.
If you’re an Asian man, just make sure you’re stuck with a Type 2 and not a Type 1. Isn’t this much, much simpler than this marriage rate and that sellout rate?
Repost
Wednesday, October 02, 2002 at 02:45:27 (PDT)
[66.92.1.200]
I have dated both asian and black men. I think both men are very beautiful and have alot to offer a relationship. I have met brilliant and attractive traits in both men. I guess part of having such a view is from having good experiences of being raised in a good homelife with a positive father figure. My dad always treated my mom well, and she was the same with him. It wasn't perfect all the time, but they were basically in a good relationship. They also taught me to not give in to racism, and judge people based on skin. And moving away to college allowed me to meet both asian and black men. I have met good and bad in both.
Teri
Wednesday, October 02, 2002 at 00:01:02 (PDT)
[205.188.209.140]
"No matter how many AFs outdate, if you're worth pursuing they'll make time for you. Actually this is a golden opportunity for AM to go out and experiment."
I agree with this post. Only don't limit yourself, especially if you've got much to offer the ladies. Hence move way beyond the AF, way beyond. Besides it's not about hating the AF. I don't think most of the men here who acknowledge sell-out AF hate AF in general. It's about living one's OWN life and playing one's cards the best it's been dealt. That is why the AM should wake up and smell the coffee. It's got nothing to do with hating those that really don't matter, the sell-out AF.
Another Post
Tuesday, October 01, 2002 at 12:07:03 (PDT)
[208.252.30.254]
CaliGirl,
Don't be so hard on yourself. I am sure plenty of folks here already know a lot of AFs refuse to date AMs. It's not that what you say isn't true, just that some folks aren't very good at handling the truth.
Deng Ai
Tuesday, October 01, 2002 at 12:05:03 (PDT)
[198.6.73.7]
AF:
I agree: I think it's funny that Azn women are refered to as sell-outs so freely, while Asian men are simply "doing their own thing" when it comes to dating outside of their race.
----------------------------
I know a guy I used to work with who is Indonesian and he only liked blond tall white model looking women. ya think he's a "sell out" anybody? Or is he only resorted to that because of the sell-out of Asian females in general.
ms.L
Tuesday, October 01, 2002 at 07:14:54 (PDT)
[155.38.50.114]
WOW!!
Well, I haven't been online for quite a few days but I see many posts to me. Some are just way too long for me to address every detail. I'm not dodging anything for those of you who may think that. I'm just tired of going back & forth w/a couple of people who I'm obviously not going to see eye-to-eye with. I want to assure AF(18) that I'm not also "Chill for a sec and think" but I do appreciate him, much!! Some people seemed to think I was saying "all Asians are sellouts, rude, etc.", I NEVER said that! I also never said that all FOBs & people w/ accents were rude. Finally, I never said that ONLY Asians suffer inferiority complexes. People are misreading my posts & putting words in my mouth. Did they even READ my posts? I do want to thank "SOG", "Chill for a sec and think" & a few others who understood them. I have nothing against Asians. I was under the "impression" that Goldsea would be a good place to ask questions & get honest answers since it's anonymous, but evidently I was severely mistaken. Whenever I ask questions, I somehow get labeled a racist simply b/c I'm not Asian! My boyfriend is Asian and prior to him, I hadn't dated many Asians so I don't know everything about them. That's WHY I ask questions. I'm not attacking anyone. All I know is from what I've personally encountered & AFs I met thru other friends. These were the girls who told me they don't date Asian men. "6'1 Korean Guy" seems to think I'm lying about this. I don't really care b/c I know what I was told. Although I was already sure not all AFs rejected AMs, it was very odd to me that all the AFs I met thru other friends told me they refused to date Asian men. Try to put yourself in my shoes. If I didn't know any Asians and then all the ones I met told me the same thing, that they don't like AMs, what am I supposed to think?! I knew I didn't have anything against AM & I found them attractive. I just didn't understand why these girls were so against them. Perhaps it was b/c I met all these girls thru WFs. Maybe that's why I came across AFs that only dated WM. I don't know. I'm sure if I had met AFs at an Asian party or an all Asian club or something, it would have been different. I would have met AFs who love AM. Right? But since I didn't know any, I never seem to be anywhere where I make AF friends but I would like to. I think you can only gain a true understanding & appreciation of ANY race or culture by becoming more familiar with it (ie: having Asian friends). Most of what I have learned about Asians has been from Goldsea and the few Asians I've come in contact with. If I've offended anyone, I deeply apologize. In my 2nd post a while back, I did become defensive b/c I had just asked some questions & felt I was being attacked for asking... which lead to my 2nd post which is what obviously offended some people that I didn't intend to offend, especially AF(18) b/c I know she is a proud AF & isn't like the women I've met. So again, for anyone I've offended...I APOLOGIZE! :-) And don't think I don't learn from my mistakes! I obviously need to ask questions in a less inflamatory manner.
To: "Chill for a sec and think" & "SOG"
Thanks for the support. And you are correct, I do have a lot of respect for Asians just like I do people of every other race. I guess in my haste for understanding, I offended some. I'm glad you didn't take my posts as an attack on you. It wasn't my intention.
CaliGirl
Monday, September 30, 2002 at 20:43:32 (PDT)
[63.233.25.87]
. As for the average AM that crosses the Af's path, well, lets just say she'll hardly acknowledge them if at all. It's definitely a good thing for the AM to wake up and smell the coffee, and as negative as this sounds to move on from the AF. Trust me on this one fellows. I've had plenty of experiences.
To: Just a NYC Asian Guy and other AM bashing AFs
Don't you think you're over exaggerating and generalizing? Afterall most Asian American women still marry Asian AMerican men, like 75 percent according to US census. Unless you have another stat, I'll take their word for it. I am too married to a white lady (second one) but without sounding superfical or pretentious, I had and still have many Asian women making inquiries about me so to say all or even most Asian women are sellouts is crazy. No matter how many AFs outdate, if you're worth pursuing they'll make time for you. Actually this is a golden opportunity for AM to go out and experiment.
Go experiment
Monday, September 30, 2002 at 19:54:45 (PDT)
[152.163.189.233]
NYC guy:
sad to hear what you 've experienced w/ some AFs. What bother me is it is not something cali girl had vivid experiences, why she is so hell bent on pointing out that trait among some AF?
Well if you feel you have a better time around non AF, so be it. Live your life so that you won't have to look back and regret. ANd just don't hate anyone. WIsh you lots of happiness!
Joy:
good point. Another thing is the fact that asian women were allowed entrance is now a reason for the gender divide.
AF(18)
Monday, September 30, 2002 at 10:39:34 (PDT)
[61.11.245.6]
I used to think AF were sell outs but after thinking from their perspective, I got nothing against them.
SOG
Monday, September 30, 2002 at 10:14:33 (PDT)
[128.193.169.80]
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