ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
WHAT DO WF LIKE BEST ABOUT AM?
hen many people see a pretty white woman with a good-looking Asian man the question that pops into their heads is "Why's she with him?" more often than "Why's he with her?"
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 11:52:25 PM)
It's only natural. We've been told so often about the desirability of white women that we simply presume that an Asian man too would find a pretty white women desirable. But we are left to guess at her possible motives for being with him. Not that there aren't hundreds of thousands of handsome, charming and successful Asian men who, by all rights, should be attractive to women of any race. But we are all too aware that American society has built up many negative preconceptions about Asian men that would take extraordinary consideration, some special X factor, to overcome.
The many examples of famous AM/WF couples (Mr/Mrs Yo-Yo Ma, Ming Tsai, Scott Oki, Charles Wang etc), don't really help, merely reinforcing the common presumption that the AM must be wealthy and able to provide an exceptional degree of financial security, material comfort or social status. Another common suspicion is that he must be unusually charming, cultured or sexually gifted. Then there's the old standby -- that the woman must have some odd fixation on Asian men or Asian culture.
Of course intellectually we know better. Just as there are many independent-minded Asian men who see through blonde bimbo stereotypes to the real qualities of white women, there are white women who ignore stereotypes about Asian men. Which leads to the question: What's the real draw? Is it the black hair? educational level? smooth skin? cultural values? upslanting eyes? personality and character traits? Here's a chance for white women who love Asian men to set the record straight.
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WHAT YOU SAY
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Thank you for your enlightening post. Your post brought to light many aspects of White/Asian relationships that I have also seen myself. And like yourself, my post is also not meant to put anyone down.
My opinion is that the WF in a WF/AM relationship tends to embody traditionl (stereotypical) AF qualities: she is demure, sensitive, obedient.
My opinion also is that the typical (the image portrayed most by the media) WF who is a fiercely independent, loud, and strong willed woman does not usually tend to fall in relationships with AMs.
Her attributes meld better with the typical "frat boy" WM who also possesses such attributes.
And compared to Asian women, White women have more leeway to experience relationships with men of different races. This has been the case thus far and is what has given them more social tolerance compared to other races.
Thursday, January 02, 2003 at 23:46:17 (PST)
"This is based on the assumption that the "white" partner, as a member of the majority race has the control in the relationship, i.e. he or she is the one who chooses to be in the relationship with an eager Asian partner. They are generally the ones who terminate the relationship if they are dissatisfied."
This is one of the reasons why I am sometimes hesitant to approach a pretty white woman. She has that look, like she EXPECTS me to slobber all over her. Of course, maybe she's doing that because it is beautiful (and lets face it... ALL guys drool over hot women of any race), but I have no way of telling if she's being arrogant or stand-offish because shes hot or because she's white (like being white makes her superior).
I once called out some bitch on that in a crowded bar, and she was so embarrassed she ran out right away with her head down. A party of black and Mexican guys down the bar who tried to hit on her (and got the same treatment) bought me a shot after seeing the whole scene. Hahah... that was sweet.
But honestly, it's extremely difficult to tell if a white woman is being stand-offish because she's simply a stuck up pretty girl, or if race is a factor. Granted, even if the white woman aren't attracted to ethnic men, she should have the class to handle it better. Unfortuantely, many white women have this superiority complex.
I am a proud man of a proud race; Koreans won't take it lightly if they feel they are slighted in the smallest way. I've gotten into lots of fights as a kid, but I always got respect because of that at the cost of a few cuts and bruises (and it was worth it too). To me, white women aren't the be-all and end-all of the world. Some are downright nasty. There are many hot Latina, Asian, Korean, and black women that I could choose. Unfortuantely, there are many indian, black, mexican, asian guys who put white women up on a pedestal. This actually deludes white girls into thinking that they are quasi-goddesses! AS IF! That REALLY gets me riled up.
Basically, I CAN'T STAND SNOBS. And there seems to be a higher proportion of white snobs (Well actually, this is how I rate snobbiness in different races of females: black women --> white/Asian women (tie) ---> Hispanic women.). I could be wrong, but that is what it seems like to me.
So be warned -- if you're a white woman and if you have a stuck up attitude, it may be inadvertantly be construed as racist snobby behavior.
Get off the couch!
Thursday, January 02, 2003 at 18:57:06 (PST)
Well, I agree it would be nice to see this guy marry that girl, but if he doens't -- big effin' deal. It's just some dumb TV show. I would rather be out at school, bars or coffeeshops picking up a sexy girl.
Btw, Billy looks hapa to me... not fully Asian. But at least he looks noticeably Asian. Even though he is 5'11", he's several inches shorter than some guys, so he had better be very aggressive or demonstrate excellent qualities as a mate and companion for her to choose him. I'll be rooting for him, although I probably won't ever see the show.
Get off the couch!
Thursday, January 02, 2003 at 18:41:24 (PST)
Hi Observer, I'll give you my thoughts on your questions. By the way, I like that you don't beat around the bush and just lay your opinions on the line. :)
I can only speak from my own experiences. It was funny when you said "The WF is accepting of the AM because she thinks he may not be as boorish and arrogant as the typical "frat boy" WM (he is a nice guy)." This totally struck a chord with me! There are some great white men, but I personally can't stand the frat boy type that only cares about drinking beer and picking up girls. My AM boyfriend has manners, intelligence and likes to do many other things than drink beer.
However, I highly disagree with you about the control issue. Just because I am white, and am part of the racial majority of this country, doesn't mean that I am the boss in my relationship. My boyfriend pursued me. He was attracted to me, asked me out, I said yes and the rest is happy history. If we ever did break up it might be mutual, or it might be due to dissatisfaction from either party.
1. I am very interested in other cultures but not disgusted with my own.
2. Yes I do like to be unique but that is not the reason why I chose to date my boyfriend- I like him for him.
3. Yes, my boyfriend is very attractive and intelligent, and will probably be wealthy in the future. It was really the first two that attracted me to him most, I don't care that much about being wealthy, as long as I'm comfortable.
4. I've had bad experiences dating black, white and asian men, as well as good ones. It's not as though I decided I would never date a white man again. I highly disagree with your statement that WFs don't date AMs for who they are.
Hope that helps.
Thursday, January 02, 2003 at 10:36:19 (PST)
another voice- I completely agree with you. It bothers me when I see other white women putting down white men. What do they think of their fathers, brothers, uncles, etc? No, white men are not perfect, but neither are asian men. There are many smart, attractive, hard-working, white men that make great husbands, friends, etc. The same goes for the men of any other race. A white women that wholeheartedly abandons and bashes the men of her race, and dates only asian men should seriously examine her motives. I see asian men putting down asian women for "selling out" by professing their hatred of asian men while praising white men, and to me it does sound like self-hatred. If my boyfriend constantly ranted and raved about how much he hated asian girls, and how much better white girls are, I would probably lose some respect for him. Would that mean he doesn't respect his mother, sister, cousins? What if he had a daughter, would he think less of her because she was asian? Thankfully my boyfriend is very secure in himself, and is proud of his asian heritage. He has strong self-confidence and doens't feel the need to put down anyone.
I am proud of who I am. I am proud of my relationship. Even if I tried to change my identity, I couldn't, I will always be white. Though I date an asian man, I still have white male relatives and friends and coworkers, and I do not consider them inferior to asian men, or vice-versa. I know it is tempting for asian men to feel flattered when white women come here and say that they can't stand to date white men and only prefer asian men because they are so much better. All of us are weak when it comes to flattery.
Anyway, happy new year to all. I hope we can continue this meaningful discussion and learn from each other. :)
Thursday, January 02, 2003 at 07:57:27 (PST)
happy new yr and happy holidays.
Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 21:35:38 (PST)
The Bachelorette show on NBC will have an Asian guy as one of the bachelors. If she picks him at the final, it will be a small "I do" for the couple, but a giant milestone for all Asian dudes.
Wish him luck.
Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 19:31:52 (PST)
This is not meant to put anyone down. I am hoping to get some well thought-out, rational responses from people with experience in these kinds of relationships. Please don't let your emotions get in the way. I am not trying to make enemies, I am only making observations. I am sure that there are many relationships of these types that do not fit into these categories, but in my experience most of them fit in to these molds. Here seems to be the essential reasons WF/AM and WM/AF relationships take place in my opinion:
1. WM/AF: The WM is accepting of the AF because she generally is far easier to control and deal with than "white" women. She treats him like a king, and she doesn't demand as much from him as a WF would.
2. WF/AM: The WF is accepting of the AM because she thinks he may not be as boorish and arrogant as the typical "frat boy" WM (he is a nice guy). She thinks he will not dog her as much as a WM.
This is based on the assumption that the "white" partner, as a member of the majority race has the control in the relationship, i.e. he or she is the one who chooses to be in the relationship with an eager Asian partner. They are generally the ones who terminate the relationship if they are dissatisfied.
Other variables include:
1. Interest in other cultures and/or disgust with one's own culture
2. The quest to be unique and different
3. Potential of gaining a wealthier, more intelligent or better-looking mate than would be possible within the white community
4. Bad experiences with dating within one's own community. It seems to me on these boards that the WMs and WFs are more interested in Asians because they are relatively better than people they have dated, instead of being interested in the actual person. Ex: Compromise. You keep a friend because that person is better than 90% of the society, but if a better person came along you would dump that friend. You only like them relative to people you hate, but you don't really care for them.
I look forward to your input. If you are high-school age, you may lack the experience to understand this complex issue.
Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 12:38:45 (PST)
these days anything goes.
Tuesday, December 31, 2002 at 23:07:21 (PST)
I'm sick of hearing the bad qualities of White men always mixed in with compliments about Asian men. It's as though in order for Azn men to be good, White men have to be bad. It implies that if these women didn't have bad experiences with WHite men, they wouldn't even have bothered considering Asian men.
I think if there is a rule against bringing tangential criticism of AFs, there should also be a rule of limiting tangential criticism of White males. That's a another topic that has nothing to do with the attractive or unattractive qualities of Asian men.
I 'm sick of it because it's constant, almost every WF says that here. It degrades me and every other Azn male like a girlfriend degrades her man by always talking about her ex.
Comon guys, the sexy thing :) to do is to have a spine and not take "downing White men" as a compliment to Azn men.
Monday, December 30, 2002 at 20:26:56 (PST)
one WF's opinion:
Those are generalizations, but not completely unfounded. Ask any minority person who dates a white person, and chances aren't horribly bad that they have ulterior motives. I wouldn't go as far to say that the majority of minorities dating white men or women have their mates as status symbols, but they do exist. Good luck with your man, though.
Monday, December 30, 2002 at 17:34:03 (PST)
In my opinion, AM/WF relationships seem to be much more normal, healthy and balanced than WM/AF relationships. The latter almost always includes an insecure, self-hating AF, that puts down AM and glorifies WM, while the WM is almost always a geeky fetishist. Sorry, but this is just what I've noticed over the years. In all the WF/AM relationships I've ever seen, I've never seen anything like that. The people in these relationships tend to be equals in terms of attractiveness, education, income level, goals, etc and complement each other very well. None of the white women I know that date or are married to asian men have any preoccupation with race, or some weird expectations as to what dating an asian man "means" or any stereotypes about them.
Anyway I love my fiancee for who he is, and I would love him no matter what race he happened to be. I am looking forward to a lifetime of happiness with him, and creating a loving home. I am learning Chinese slowly but surely, and am absorbing his culture as much as I can. We are planning a trip to Asia as soon as we can find the time. I want to see what Asia is like and where he came from. We may come across problems but we are strong enough that we can tackle them together.
one WF's opinion
Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 18:39:53 (PST)
Asian Snoopy Man: "What you should angle it as, is why are women so stupid to not know all of this and see through these jerks and know the better men are the nice guys?"
Women want interesting, intelligent, self-respecting men, not spineless doormats. It's very sexist of you to try and tell women what we should want. Women want men who respect us and who also respect themselves. We can judge for ourselves who the better men are, thank you very much! We want men who repect themselves and know what they want.. Not guys who use "nice" as a substitute for intelligence and character. It doesn't mean that women want jerks.. but if we had to choose between jerks and nice guys, jerks are more attractive - at least they have minds of their own. Of course, the best men are those that fall into neither category.
Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 15:15:53 (PST)
This is to Reality not Fantasy's post on Dec. 19.
First off, nice post. However, you make it sound like it's totally all a man's fault for being a nice guy. What you should angle it as, is why are women so stupid to not know all of this and see through these jerks and know the better men are the nice guys? Then you should post it in a forum where more women would see this, so us guys don't have to make so many adjustments in our personalities just get a woman.
Asian Snoopy Man
Saturday, December 28, 2002 at 20:22:40 (PST)
We need to stop looking for the reason that causes people from different race to date each other. Maybe the appropriate question is why people should be limited to their own race. Since we can go to the same schools, work together, live in the same neighborhood, why can't we just enjoy each other.
Saturday, December 28, 2002 at 18:32:01 (PST)
i as a blonde blue white girl who perfers asian men, i have one big peeve people assume just because i like asian men ill go out with them only because of that fact. this is untrue, i like asian men more becuase they're more appreciative of women,and treat them well. lastley love is love
a very white girls thoughts
Friday, December 27, 2002 at 14:52:08 (PST)
Hate to sound so cliche and racist here (against the white male) but as a WF who dates AM exclusively, besides the exotic looks, the charm, the higher level of education, work & family ethics, AM tend to be more respectful and tuned into a woman's needs and desires. Im sure there are white men who are as well, I've never had any luck in that department. Most AM I know are more artistic and creative as well, they make excellent and loyal friends, and oooooooh such sweet lovers!
Friday, December 27, 2002 at 14:31:01 (PST)
"While it may be true that the WFs that date or marry AMs tend to be more mature and intelligent, the basic fact is that what attracts people to each other in the first place is pure physical attraction. Either you're sexually attracted to someone or you're not."
---This was one of my points exactly, and I get booed and insulted for saying something that was as obvious the truth as the night is dark and the day is bright. Thank you, honest and non-hypocritical grl. How refreshing.
"I have to agree with this point. Almost all the AM/WF I've witnessed were good looking WF with the good looking AM type you mentioned. I think WF are a bit pickier when it comes to men."
---Yes, White women who date interracially tend to have higher standards than the average Azn female who dates White guys. This is why I tend to respect WF more than I do AF.
[Tangential criticism of AFs omitted.]
Tuesday, December 24, 2002 at 08:20:50 (PST)
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